The taste of shrimp and lobster is fading from my memory. I used to say that if condemned, I would request my last meal to be a platter of shellfish. I was joking, of course. About being condemned. But while I miss chomping on crustaceans, I'm no longer sure if what I miss resembles the real thing. If I'm lucky, I'll never find out.

It's almost exactly five years since I last enjoyed shrimp. A few hours later, I was in a hospital emergency room with a crack medical team treating the swelling and the hives that had appeared on my hands and lips. In the next few weeks, I offered up my forearms to a battery of pinpricks that confirmed that shellfish could kill me. With great regret, I bid some of my favourite foods farewell.

But as popcorn shrimp and lobster roll become increasingly familiar items on menus, the difficulty of saying goodbye is exacerbated whenever I dine out. I've read everything I can on food allergies, and because there isn't much, I've come to realize that few non-anaphylactics and fewer restaurant workers know the dangers. I have to be vigilant and if I'm lucky, I can inform a few more people who don't already know.

Since that incident five years ago, I've had only two experiences where I think I've come into contact with shellfish. Both were mild, but I decided from then on, to save my own life, I have to read menus critically and ask as many questions as I felt necessary before ordering, and maybe even before entering the restaurant.

After five years, I've developed a strategy that's worked so far:

1. Whenever possible, reserve a table. This gives you the opportunity to tell the restaurant about your allergy ahead of time. If they tell you that they cannot give you special consideration, I strongly recommend you choose another restaurant. If you're with a group of people, and you are uncomfortable about making a change, ask the restaurant manager for recommendations for a similar restaurant for a large party. Many, if not most, restaurants would rather accommodate a large party rather than turn away significant business.
2. Read posted menus thoroughly. Many restaurants also suggest patrons inform them of any food allergies. They may be doing this to protect themselves legally, but this is a good opportunity to hold them to their desire to appear responsible.
3. If someone comes to seat you, inform them of your allergy and ask them to notify the kitchen. They may suggest you don't order anything that contains your allergy, and often this is the best signal you will have that they don't understand the implications of anaphylaxis. I recommend that you respond along the lines of: "I'm concerned about the handling and surfaces that may come in contact with my order. I'd like to make sure there is no cross-contamination." Using the words "cross-contamination" will likely encourage the restaurant staff to pay careful attention, and their reaction is your best gauge to determine if the restaurant is worth patronizing. Use your gut instinct, and if you don't think they understand, choose another restaurant. They don't deserve your business, and you don't need to fear the risk throughout your meal.
4. Of course, this may not be as simple if you're with a party or there isn't another restaurant conveniently located. If your options are limited, ask to speak to the manager or chef. If the chef is credible, he or she should know what to do, and may even allow you to see the kitchen. Even if seeing the kitchen doesn't tell you much, the level of cleanliness should give you the best indication of how careful they will be. Some chefs will offer to wear new latex gloves to cook your meal.
5. If everything goes well and the staff demonstrates that they have been mindful your special circumstances, tip well, especially if this restaurant is conveniently located. You will want to go back, and the restaurant staff will appreciate your consistent business. Even if you aren't able to return, your tip will help them remember to be serious about their next patron who informs them about their anaphylactic allergy.
6. There are some national cuisines that have little or no shellfish, including deli/kosher, Eastern European (Hungarian), Middle Eastern (Lebanese, Persian), and Ethiopian. Many restaurants offer so much to cater to as broad a clientele as possible, but many family-run restaurants of the above cuisines stick to the traditional recipes, especially if they cater to their national community.
7. When travelling to countries where English isn't the main language, learn to state your condition in the local language or have it translated on a card you can present. As well, you should know the name equivalents in that language. Travelling in a foreign, non-English-speaking country can be challenging with food allergies, but you may also be pleasantly surprised. Recently in Arles, France, we chose a tiny, intriguing-looking restaurant. In halting French, I informed our waiter, who was also fortunately the chef. He nodded and said his sister had the same condition and proceeded to puff up his cheeks to imitate the swelling he'd seen her experience. It was wonderful to feel that my dinner was in safe hands. And the meal was delicious as well.

Five years on, my shellfish allergy is still a learning experience. I'd like to believe I'm not as paranoid as I used to be because I've developed a pragmatic strategy. I'd also like to believe restaurant workers are a little more understanding, but sometimes I'm reminded that some are still totally clued out, and my gut instinct tells me to leave. Sometimes I feel terrible for doing so, but I have to remind myself that if I can make them a little more aware, or at least vote with my feet and wallet, it will help me and anyone else in the same situation.

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